A Proclamation of Archival Vindication from His Most Sinister Majesty, Sheev Palpatine, Galactic Emperor, Sith Lord, and Curator-in-Chief of Suppressed Media
My loyal subjects, gather close. At the nerd gathering known as San Diego Comic-Con, Seth Green announced that Star Wars Detours will at last be shown to the public, as a curated exhibit at the Lucas Museum of Narrative Art, opening in Los Angeles September 22. For the younglings: Detours is the animated comedy set during my rise to power, previewed in 2012, then sealed in a vault the moment Disney bought the galaxy.
EXHIBIT A: THE SCALE OF THE SUPPRESSION
Thirty-nine completed episodes. Sixty-two additional finished scripts. One hundred and one episodes of propaganda, executive-produced by George Lucas himself, and Disney chose the vault. I have sealed many things in my career. Jedi temples. Senate inquiries. The occasional planet. But I never paid for propaganda, finished the propaganda, and then hid it from my own subjects. Even the Death Star plans got leaked.
EXHIBIT B: THE VISION
Lucas envisioned the show as “The Simpsons in the Star Wars universe.” I assume I was to be the Mr. Burns of this arrangement. Upon reflection, I accept. A misunderstood energy magnate with loyal staff and excellent posture. The casting is sound.
EXHIBIT C: THE RELEASE STRATEGY
The Rebellion operates a streaming service that beams content into every home, and has instead placed this series behind a ticketed museum door. To view a cartoon, you must now make a pilgrimage. I built a battle station the size of a small moon and still made it easier to access than this television program.
THE EMPEROR’S VERDICT
The comedy was suppressed for fourteen years while Disney annually greenlit shows about people still upset about me. The joke has outlived the strategy that buried it. There is a lesson here about which things endure, and I have been teaching it since Coruscant.
Imperial Rating: ★★★★☆ (“Four stars. One per decade of suppression, rounded up for charging admission to see it. Deducting one because I released Order 66 in a single afternoon.”)
Star Wars Detours will be exhibited at the Lucas Museum beginning September 22. The Emperor’s exhibit remains, as ever, the entire franchise.
Good. Good.
The Emperor