A Proclamation of Managerial Review from His Most Sinister Majesty, Sheev Palpatine, Galactic Emperor, Sith Lord, and Original Rights Holder of “Unity Through Fear”
My loyal subjects, gather close. Tomorrow, Marvel publishes Star Wars: The Fall of Kylo Ren #1, a five-issue miniseries by Charles Soule chronicling the collapse of the boy who wore a bucket to look like my apprentice. I have reviewed the evidence. It is delicious.
EXHIBIT A: THE TITLE
This is the finale of a trilogy: The Rise of Kylo Ren, The Reign of Kylo Ren, and now The Fall of Kylo Ren. Rise, reign, fall. My subjects, Marvel has announced how the story ends on the cover of issue one. Even the marketing department has conceded the point. My own fall required three feature films, a fleet, and my most beloved apprentice throwing me down a reactor shaft. His fits in five issues with a monthly shipping schedule.
EXHIBIT B: THE PLOT
Per the official summary, Generals Hux and Pryde are tearing the First Order apart with treacherous ambition while Kylo’s wrath “forges unity through fear.”
Unity through fear. My subjects, I invented unity through fear. I dissolved the Senate with it. I ran an entire galaxy on it for over two decades, and the licensing paperwork was never filed. And note what the Supreme Leader is doing with my methodology: managing the clashing egos of two middle managers. I did not manage Vader’s ego. Vader managed other people’s tracheas. That is what a functioning org chart looks like.
EXHIBIT C: THE TAGLINE
Issue #3 is solicited with the phrase “Kylo Ren vs. The Knights of Ren… and something far worse!”
The series is set between The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker. We are all adults here, my subjects. We know who is waiting at the end of that particular corridor, freshly returned and full of opinions. “Something far worse.” I have commissioned statues with less flattering inscriptions.
THE EMPEROR’S VERDICT
The Rebellion’s publishing arm has produced a documentary series on why you should not promote an intern to Supreme Leader. The boy inherited my Empire’s successor state, my management techniques, and my aesthetic, and required three comic trilogies to explain what went wrong. Nothing went wrong. I came back. That is simply called competition.
Imperial Rating: ★★★★★ (“Five stars, one per issue. I am the twist, my subjects. One does not deduct stars from one’s own return.”)
The Fall of Kylo Ren #1 arrives in comic shops August 12. The Emperor arrives, historically, whenever he pleases.
Good. Good.
The Emperor