A Communiqué from the Office of the Emperor

My subjects.

The rebel propaganda machine has released its “final trailer” for The Mandalorian & Grogu, and your Emperor has reviewed the intelligence. Twice. Possibly three times.

Our armored hero announces he “only hunts Imperial war criminals.” How noble. How tedious. I employ war criminals. They are called middle management, and they are quite efficient.

Then — and this is where it gets personal — someone looks at my most wanted Force-sensitive asset and calls him a “horrible baby.” A “bad baby.”

I didn’t say that. But I respect whoever did.

The trailer’s climax delivers its fatal blow: “The old protect the young… and then the young protect the old.” This is precisely the sentimental nonsense the Sith have spent a thousand years eliminating. Attachment. Sacrifice. Succession through love rather than lightning-based coercion. Inefficient. Emotional. And it keeps working against me in the third act.

“Are you scared? You should be.”

Bold words from a man whose primary military asset requires a nap after using the Force.

The Mandalorian & Grogu arrives May 22, 2026. Your Emperor will be in attendance. In disguise.

This is the Way… to keep losing, apparently.

—The Emperor