{"id":136,"date":"2026-05-19T18:12:02","date_gmt":"2026-05-19T18:12:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deathstarinc.com\/?p=136"},"modified":"2026-05-19T18:12:03","modified_gmt":"2026-05-19T18:12:03","slug":"imperial-communique-on-the-catastrophic-succession-planning-of-one-peter-jackson","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deathstarinc.com\/index.php\/2026\/05\/19\/imperial-communique-on-the-catastrophic-succession-planning-of-one-peter-jackson\/","title":{"rendered":"IMPERIAL COMMUNIQU\u00c9: ON THE CATASTROPHIC SUCCESSION PLANNING OF ONE PETER JACKSON"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><em>A Proclamation of Managerial Outrage from His Most Sinister Majesty, Sheev Palpatine, Galactic Emperor, Sith Lord, and Authoritative Voice on Matters of Apprentice Development<\/em><\/h1>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p>My loyal subjects, gather close. I have returned from my brief sabbatical (during which I attended to important Sith business and most certainly did not nap) to find the galaxy&#8217;s media in disarray. The director Peter Jackson, architect of those interminable Middle-earth films your children watch in extended editions over winter break, has appeared at something called the&nbsp;<strong>Cannes Film Festival<\/strong>&nbsp;to explain why he is&nbsp;<em>not<\/em>&nbsp;directing his own upcoming project,&nbsp;<em>The Lord of the Rings: The Hunt for Gollum<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>His explanations are the most appalling display of weak-willed mentorship I have witnessed since Obi-Wan Kenobi let my apprentice fall down a Naboo reactor shaft on a&nbsp;<em>technicality<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Allow me to walk you through this calamity, quote by quote.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">EXHIBIT A: &#8220;I COULD HAVE DIRECTED IT, BUT I THOUGHT, I&#8217;VE DONE THAT.&#8221;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I have done it. Three syllables. &#8220;I&#8217;ve done that.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My subjects, in the entirety of my reign, I never once said &#8220;I&#8217;ve done that.&#8221; I conquered the Republic, dissolved the Senate, and rebuilt the entire galaxy in the Imperial image, and at no point did I think, &#8220;Well, I&#8217;ve conquered&nbsp;<em>one<\/em>&nbsp;galaxy already, perhaps I should let someone less experienced try the second one.&#8221; That is not how empires are built. That is how empires are&nbsp;<em>lost<\/em>&nbsp;to a teenager with a bowcaster and grievance issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If a Sith Lord ever told me he had &#8220;done that,&#8221; I would Force-choke him on principle. Out of&nbsp;<em>respect<\/em>&nbsp;for the office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">EXHIBIT B: &#8220;IT&#8217;S AN INTERNAL STORY ABOUT GOLLUM&#8217;S PSYCHOLOGY AND ADDICTION.&#8221;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Your franchise&#8217;s central character is, by your own admission, a&nbsp;<strong>psychologically unwell addict<\/strong>&nbsp;who cannot be separated from a piece of jewelry. This man is your lead. This man carries your December 2027 release. This man is your&nbsp;<em>Vader<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Allow me to briefly compare apprentices:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>My apprentice Maul:<\/strong>\u00a0Bisected on Naboo.\u00a0<em>Lived.<\/em>\u00a0Built a criminal empire on mechanical legs. Still influencing galactic politics via animated Disney+ programming.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>My apprentice Vader:<\/strong>\u00a0Threw me down a reactor shaft, yes, but I have it on good authority that this was a\u00a0<em>moment of weakness<\/em>\u00a0rather than a referendum on my leadership style.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Your protagonist Gollum:<\/strong>\u00a0Talks to himself. Eats raw fish. Lost his ring to a hobbit.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>I am not saying my apprentices were&nbsp;<em>better<\/em>&nbsp;than yours, Mr. Jackson. I am simply noting that mine could form complete sentences without arguing with themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">EXHIBIT C: &#8220;I&#8217;M LEAVING IT TO HIM. I&#8217;M HERE TO HELP WHERE I CAN. BUT I DON&#8217;T INTERFERE.&#8221;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>I beg your pardon?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You do not&nbsp;<em>interfere<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I, Sheev Palpatine, interfered with such ferocity and consistency that historians will be untangling my interference for ten thousand years. I interfered in elections. I interfered in trade negotiations. I interfered in romantic relationships I had no business interfering in. (Anakin, my boy, I knew about Padm\u00e9 the&nbsp;<em>entire time<\/em>, and I weaponized it accordingly.&nbsp;<em>That<\/em>&nbsp;is mentorship.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;I don&#8217;t interfere&#8221; is the management philosophy of a man who is going to wake up one morning to discover his prot\u00e9g\u00e9 has rewritten the third act, hired a different composer, cast Kate Winslet in a role he did not approve, and is now delivering a meditation on addiction recovery instead of the gritty Middle-earth thriller he was promised.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(I am informed Kate Winslet&nbsp;<em>has<\/em>&nbsp;been cast. I am informed she is &#8220;the female lead.&#8221; I am informed the script is still being written.&nbsp;<strong>Mr. Jackson, you are flying blind.<\/strong>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">EXHIBIT D: &#8220;I&#8217;VE GIVEN HIM AS MUCH FREEDOM AS I CAN.&#8221;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The final and most damning quote.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Freedom, my subjects, is a&nbsp;<em>gift<\/em>. And gifts, as I have explained to many a Senator before crushing their political careers, come with&nbsp;<strong>strings<\/strong>. The proper Sith approach to apprentice development is to give your prot\u00e9g\u00e9 exactly enough freedom to feel powerful, exactly enough rope to hang themselves, and exactly enough surveillance to know when they are about to. Then you reel them back in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mr. Jackson has given Mr. Serkis &#8220;as much freedom as he can.&#8221; This is not mentorship. This is&nbsp;<strong>abdication<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">THE EMPEROR&#8217;S VERDICT<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><em>The Hunt for Gollum<\/em>&nbsp;is now scheduled for&nbsp;<strong>December 17, 2027<\/strong>, a delay of approximately one full year from its original release window. I am told the script is still being written. I am told Mr. Serkis is &#8220;finding his voice as a director.&#8221; I am told everyone involved is being given a great deal of &#8220;freedom&#8221; and &#8220;space&#8221; and &#8220;creative latitude.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My subjects, in the time it has taken Mr. Jackson to&nbsp;<em>not<\/em>&nbsp;direct this film, I built two Death Stars, lost two Death Stars, faked my own death, returned as a clone, and got thrown into a Sith wayfinder pit on Exegol. I accomplished all of this&nbsp;<strong>while interfering with absolutely everyone<\/strong>&nbsp;in the galaxy at all times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mr. Jackson, if you are reading this:&nbsp;<strong>interfere more<\/strong>. Your apprentice is directing a movie about a wet hobbit-creature with substance abuse issues. He needs your guidance. He needs your surveillance. He needs, perhaps, a hooded mentor whispering darkly into his ear from the back of the editing bay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I am available for consultation. My rates are reasonable. My methods are proven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Imperial Rating:<\/strong>&nbsp;\u2605\u2606\u2606\u2606\u2606&nbsp;<em>(&#8220;A masterclass in how not to develop talent. One star reluctantly granted because Mr. Jackson did, at minimum, finish his original trilogy. Most directors cannot manage even that.&#8221;)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>The Lord of the Rings: The Hunt for Gollum opens in theaters December 17, 2027. The Emperor will not be attending the premiere, but he will be sending notes.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Good. Good.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>The Emperor<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Source:<\/strong>&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.comingsoon.net\/movies\/news\/2133058-lord-of-the-rings-hunt-for-gollum-peter-jackson-andy-serkis\">LOTR&#8217;s Peter Jackson Reveals Why He Isn&#8217;t Directing The Hunt for Gollum<\/a>&nbsp;(ComingSoon.net), reporting on Jackson&#8217;s Cannes Film Festival remarks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A proclamation of managerial outrage. The director Peter Jackson has confessed at Cannes that he is not directing his own upcoming Lord of the Rings film, citing such heresies as &#8220;I&#8217;ve done that&#8221; and &#8220;I don&#8217;t interfere.&#8221; The Emperor responds with a quote-by-quote indictment, a comparison of apprentices (Maul lived; Gollum eats raw fish), and an offer of consulting services.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-136","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movies","category-star-wars"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>IMPERIAL COMMUNIQU\u00c9: ON THE CATASTROPHIC SUCCESSION PLANNING OF ONE PETER JACKSON - deathstarinc<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/deathstarinc.com\/index.php\/2026\/05\/19\/imperial-communique-on-the-catastrophic-succession-planning-of-one-peter-jackson\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"IMPERIAL COMMUNIQU\u00c9: ON THE CATASTROPHIC SUCCESSION PLANNING OF ONE PETER JACKSON - deathstarinc\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A proclamation of managerial outrage. 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